


Years and Years

by gardeniia



Category: Code Geass
Genre: Background fic, F/M, Gen, One-Sided Love, Speculation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-02
Updated: 2013-01-02
Packaged: 2017-11-23 08:51:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 16,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/620293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gardeniia/pseuds/gardeniia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A look at Li Xing-ke from the years leading up to the events of R2 and after it, from the perspective of his military aide, Zhou Xianglin. Spoilers for the end of R2.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_Eighteen years old –  
_

"Is that him?"

"Yeah, I've heard, he's apparently from –"

"…Li Xing-ke –"

Zhou Xianglin jerks in surprise as the name carries through the halls in whispers and covert mutters, buzzing and filling the air around her. She twists around just in time to see him walk through the halls – straight-backed, eyes unwavering at a point straight ahead – and immediately, she links that face to the reputation.

She heard about him, of course. Li Xing-ke. Hailed a genius, a prodigy. Accepted into this prestigious military academy not through the influence of a powerful family but through his sheer, immense talent. She kept her gaze steady. Tall, well-built, with sleek black hair and wine-red eyes on a chiselled face. 

Her eyes might have lingered longer than was strictly necessary for someone assessing a potential threat or rival. She _is_  curious, though. Curious to see if the rumours about him are well-founded, or if they're just highly exaggerated drivel. 

Xianglin expects she'll find out soon enough.

\--

In one fell swoop, he replaces her as the number one in all classes.

He's flawless; excelling in strategy, real-time tactics, diplomacy, political affairs. And, by all appearances, his talents are not limited to that remarkable intelligence. He fells sparring partners easily, gracefully sweeping through men with an uncanny ability with his  _jian_ , and when he exits Knightmare simulation tests, the teachers share wide-eyed looks and babble about how this was surely the kind of talent that came once in fifty, no, one hundred years!

Despite this, she finds him eating alone, the sole occupant of a table in a crowded mess hall.

"Zhou Xianglin," he greets, nodding as she approaches. He's much too polite for 'Go away', but the tension is apparent in his voice when he asks, "Do you need something?"

She meets his eyes directly, takes her time explaining herself. "I wanted to see for myself the man who has beaten me so thoroughly in every subject. And not," she adds, a beat later, "Rely on the opinions of others."

There's a contemplative silence, and his eyes – unrelenting, yet ringed with exhaustion – probe hers. Does he see it? How similar they are? She, a woman excelling in an academy that was predominantly male, and he, a man of common birth, besting others of much more respectable standings. The both of them, estranged, cast aside as an object to be either admired, or jealously hated.

After a short silence, he nods simply. So she extends a hand, and after a moment's hesitation, he takes it. The handshake is brief, but speaks a volume of things. Not trust, not yet, but the beginning of something. A budding companionship.

Xing-ke gestures to the empty seat. His voice has lost its edge when he asks if she would care to join him.

\--

The two of them are natural comrades – he's a brilliant number one, but she's a steady and dependable number two. It isn't long before they find themselves arguing over strategy and tactics, with lengthy discussions dedicated on famous old battles and which courses of action should have been taken. She can tell he's relieved at finding a fellow companion, and truth be told, she feels the same way.

But every now and again, as their discussions touch on the politics of their country, she can tell when he bites back what he truly wants to say and settles for a safe, innocuous answer. Of course, since they're surrounded by jealous and ambitious classmates looking for any chance to bring down the top students, it's an intelligent thing to do.

So Xianglin takes him to one of her favourite spots – a tiny run-down teahouse, lost and overwhelmed in-between larger, shinier buildings. An inconspicuous little place, shabby but with amazing tea, but most importantly, it's the kind of place where they have zero chance of running into any of their classmates from the academy.

The old man running the counter recognizes her, of course, but his brows snap together at the sight of Xing-ke. However, that befuddled look quickly changes into something much more dangerous; something akin to amusement, complete with a knowing smile and twinkling eyes. "Miss Xianglin, found yourself a nice young man? Please, don't go to your usual table. How about a nice booth next to the window for a sweet young couple?"

"No, it's nothing –" she tries to protest, but in the end, lets herself be ushered to the booth anyway. She sits down, and still blushing, risks a glance in Xing-ke's direction. Fortunately, he doesn't seem offended. Just bemused.

The two of them launch into discussion again, for the first time away from prying eyes and ears. He speaks freely, passionately, about the impoverished, starving citizens. About how the Tianzi was nothing more than the symbol of the Chinese Federation, a figurehead, and how the oppressive High Eunuchs controlled her power from the shadows. About re-establishing the throne with the Empress as the clear authority. About a revolution that would change the course of their country forever.

The kind of talk that would quickly earn you labels along the lines of 'treason' and 'traitor'. The kind of talk that guaranteed a noose with your name on it.

Despite herself, her eyes are wide as she listens. There's something in the way his ideas and ideals flow out, clear and concise, that makes a chill travel down her spine. His intensity is frightening in the way it makes these ridiculous ideals sound plausible.

When he finishes, he leans back in his seat and takes a sip of his jasmine. She cradles her own oolong, staring down at its depths, unsure how to respond.

A part of her wants to tell him that he's set to be one of the greatest men in the Federation if he swallowed those thoughts. If he turned his head from the corruption of the system and played along. That logical part of her that wants to berate him and tell him he's an idiot for going down this path – for ruining that brilliant future he could have and trading it for one where he would most likely end up hanged for his crimes. But instead, when she finds her voice, all that comes out is, "Are you…serious?"

"Yes," he replies steadily. There's no hesitation in his voice.

She leans back in her seat. "Wow, Xing-ke."

When she meets his eyes – so grave and holding burden far beyond his years – she can't help but feel that someday soon, the whole of the Chinese Federation will know that name.

\--

 _Nineteen years old_ –

The night had been like any other, but after all this time spent together, she could no longer ignore it. Everything Xing-ke said, everything he discussed with her, it kept circling back, always, to the same point.

_The Empress._

She reflects on what he's said of his dreams and ideals. And notices, not for the first time, how, at the very centre of them, lays his unwavering, steadfast and uncommonly fierce loyalty to Tianzi.

When she asks him, he tells the story with a faraway look, eyes distant, expression suddenly fond.

The story spills out slowly but easily. How he had tried to sneak in some medicine to a prisoner ( _how very like him_ ) and how he had been caught. How the mandate of heaven, the young Empress Tianzi herself, was present as they sentenced his capital punishment. How, in that one moment, she had declared his life worthy and spared him. How he had pledged a promise of eternal peace to one day bring her out of the Vermillion Forbidden City, out of her sheltered life, to show her the 'outside world'. How every move he made was calculated to bring him closer to restoring Tianzi to her rightful role as leader of the Chinese Federation.

How he would give anything for her. How he would die for her.

Throughout the night, Xianglin finds herself feeling increasingly troubled, a vice locked on her throat that does not allow her to speak. Xing-ke, usually so perceptive, is too distracted in his reminiscing to notice. As they part ways, Xianglin thinks she knows exactly what emotion has been eating away at her through the night, but even wrapping her mind around the word seemed absurd. Why would she be  _jealous_ of the Empress, of all people?

\--

But when she first realizes she has feelings for Xing-ke – feelings beyond camaraderie, beyond even close friendship – she's in the middle of sparring with some no-name classmate and in that moment of realization (a slight costly hesitation) her opponent sneaks into her defences and disarms her. He looks so triumphant at his victory over the current Number 2 that he doesn't even notice how she's completely frozen in place.

 _No. It can't be._ Xianglin knows she has to be married in some convenient marriage beneficial to her family. To some high-ranking official probably much too old for her. That's what she's always expected. That's all she knows.

Isn't that why, up until now, she hasn't let herself be interested in anyone?

 _But,_  she thinks, biting her lip.  _Xing-ke isn't just anyone._

_\--_

_Twenty years old –  
_

They have a day off school and they spend it in their usual booth. Tonight, Xianglin's content to take a backseat and just  _listen_. And as she does, she wonders when she stopped thinking of Xing-ke's plans as foolish, or suicidal, and that she's already started to think them inevitable. And, furthermore, she realizes, in her mind, she's already started to treat them as  _their_  plans, as if she'll always be there, as if she'll always be helping him, Xing-ke leading their nation and she, as always, by his right hand.

Then, she realizes, the thought of that exact future is what makes her happiest.

"I'll help you," she announces suddenly, interrupting. His expression is only confused for a second before it clicks and a look of utter shock slides in to replace it. It nearly makes her smile. "Whatever you're planning in order to achieve your foolish ideals. I'll help you with them. No matter what they are."

He immediately launches into a speech about how just because he was dedicating his life to this, didn't mean she had to, that there were too many risks, that he only meant to share his thoughts with someone and not -

"Xing-ke," she interrupts firmly. "I'm sure."

"Even if you're risking ruining your family?" The mention of them makes her resolve waver ever so slightly. Her respectable family, known for producing a long line of excellent officers, disappointed when they did not get the son they so desperately wanted. The family she had thirsted to prove herself to. The family she had so desperately wanted the approval of. The same family who would disown her if they knew she was planning to turn against their Federation.

"Even if," he says, "At the end of it all, you might just find yourself slated for public execution?"

That, above all, clears her doubt. She shakes her head. "You've talked strategy and tactics with me for a year, Xing-ke. What do you know about me?"

Xing-ke seems to ponder it for a moment and says slowly, "You don't take such large risks unless you're certain there's a high probability that events will turn to your favour."

"Does that answer your question?" she says, the corners of her mouth lilting in a smile. "I don't believe you'll fail, Xing-ke. In fact, I'm certain you won't."

She leans back and takes a sip of her tea before it gets cold. "You'll change this country. And I want to be there when you do."

There's a long pause where Xing-ke keeps his eyes firmly down. She taps a fingernail on her cup, wonders if maybe she was a bit too hasty.

But eventually, finally, he looks up, and Xianglin thinks that smile might be the most wonderful thing she's ever seen.

\--

There are a million reasons why it won't work. Why  _they_ won't work. But the most important reason, and the most obvious one -

"Xianglin?" Xing-ke asks, forehead creased. "Are you alright?"

She startles out of her reverie. "Yes, fine." He smiles and carries on saying something else, but she doesn't really pay attention. Instead, she focuses on small details - the light in his eyes, how the faded sunlight from the one broken window cast light over the contours of his face…

Then she realizes how pathetically she's sighing over him and clears her throat, trying her best to banish the blush threatening to rise up her face. She turns back to Xing-ke, tries to pay more attention to what he's saying. She only just manages to catch one word.  _Tianzi._

Something tips and she can't hold it in any longer.

"Xing-ke –" she starts, then finds her voice catches in her throat. She swallows hard and tries again. Nothing comes out. Words fail her.

So she summons every ounce of courage she's ever thought to possess, leans in, and touches her lips, very gently, to his.

He doesn't react. Sits, unmoving, tense at the contact, and when she pulls away, his face speaks volumes. Guilt and helplessness and regret all mixed in one. Without meaning to, she can feel that expression burn into her memory.

Xianglin rises slowly in her seat. "I'm… very sorry," she says, barely audible, eyes hooded.

Xing-ke starts forward, reaches out and grasps her wrist like he wants to say something, but she shakes him off and, in that instant, knows she can't, _can't_ look at his face right now –

So she runs. Throws a few bills on the table before making for the door. She can hear both the old shop owner and Xing-ke shouting after her, but she doesn't slow down, pumps as much energy in her legs as she can manage. It feels like he's right at her heels, but when she finally stops running, there's no one behind. She wanders aimlessly in the city until the sun has long since gone down and suffers the scolding when she gets caught sneaking back to school way past any reasonable hour.

The next day, using her family's connections, she graduates early and requests a post far from Beijing. She contemplates perhaps staying an extra day to apologize or to say her goodbyes. Maybe leave behind a note.

Then she thinks of what she did, and packs her bags with a little more fervour.

\--

_Twenty-one years old–_

For the next year, for the sake of her sanity, she tries her best to forget Li Xing-ke. It's already a daunting task, and unfortunately, the world itself seems intent on working against her best efforts. Her superiors catch news of the promising man in Beijing, and naturally, rumours circulate. It isn't long before they find out she used to go to military academy with him, and naturally, not one day goes by that someone doesn't ask her about Xing-ke. Xianglin answers the questions plainly, avoiding details, and acting just like any other student who had seen him. Eventually, the questions stop coming.

Xianglin works herself to the bone, and quickly gains a reputation for her composure, her stone-face and the strict standards she holds for her men. She's promoted quickly, and would have been considered extraordinary if it weren't for a man across the Federation whose rise through the ranks makes hers look mundane in comparison.

Life goes on, even without certain geniuses.

But of course, she should have known it wouldn't last.

\--

_Twenty-two years old–  
_

In retrospect, she should have seen it coming. There was no way she could stay here forever, an overlooked star not fulfilling her potential in the countryside. So it's two weeks after she turns twenty-two that her father comes up to her, eyes shining. "They finally recognized your talent. You've been offered a position."

She nods, rapt with attention. Her father's far too eager for this to be any normal promotion.

"A position as Commander Li Xing-ke's military aide. You're to oversee his chain of command if the Commander himself is on the front lines. Beijing, Xianglin!" Her father lets out a rare smile, pride in his daughter apparent, and she would have been elated at this rare show of emotion from her father if she hadn't been so completely and utterly conflicted.

Xianglin desperately searches for a way she can respectfully decline this opportunity. And unsurprisingly, there is none.

A week later, she's on a plane back to Beijing, where her new position awaits. Her new position… and her new Commander. The plane ride back is severely uncomfortable; her mind has taken to replaying the last moments they spent together in her head and she spends the next few hours in a constant state of dread.

At last, she climbs down from the plane and he's there, flanked by a few soldiers, hair longer, planes of his face sharper, any trace of 'boy' that lingered on his 20 year-old face gone.

"Xianglin," he says, extending a hand and smiling. "It's been a long time. I'm glad to see you again."

Immediately, her resolve to be polite but distant, to treat him like any of her other superiors, weakens at that smile and that extended hand. How could anyone mistake them for being anything other than 100% genuine?

"Lord Xing-ke," she finally greets, and she's sure that an iceberg is warmer than her voice. She doesn't have to look closely to see that the decorum and the title have caught him off guard. To his credit, he hides it quickly.

Xianglin doesn't know how many times she's imagined this reunion throughout the past two years:  _Congratulations on your promotion_  and _How have you been, really?_  and  _Have you visited the teahouse lately?_ But all that comes out is, "Your reputation becomes you. I look forward to working together to make a better future for our country." The empty formalities leave an unpleasant taste in her mouth. But she forces them out, wills her expression into the stern, grave thing she had gained a reputation for.

She makes herself look him in the eyes, and what he sees in hers causes his expression to fall, just a fraction. It's gone the next second. "Of course," he says, equally cool and impersonal.

They shake hands. Brief, but it's enough to send an almost overwhelming wave of nostalgia through her. She lets go quickly and gives another stiff bow. The rest of her orientation, she doesn't speak unless spoken to, barely even meets his eyes unless she has to.

Xianglin tells herself it'll be easier this way.

She does a fairly good job, for her first few months working directly under Xing-ke. She's cold, composed, never once bringing up their past. She even avoids his name as much as she can – referring to him only as 'Commander' or 'sir' and convinces herself she doesn't see the way the corner of his mouth twists down in disappointment.

\--

Xing-ke's struggling.

It's easier to see now, now that she's by his side and not just hearing stories of his exploits from miles away. He's young, almost too young to be in such a high position, and the officers under his command, men of more favoured families, don't bother hiding their disdain. To the rest of the army, to the other officials, Xing-ke takes his new position in stride, eyes forward and posture as straight as the first day she met him. But not to her. Even with two years of silence between them, it's easy for her to notice the subtle things that betray him. And once, it wasn't even subtle.

Four months in his service and she catches him, alone at his desk, head in his hands and looking exhausted. Xianglin hurriedly steps out of the room with a quick, "My apologies, Commander."

There's the sound of something slamming on the desk.

"Enough, Xianglin." She knows that tone, that thread of steel, though she admits she hasn't heard him use it on anyone he wasn't planning on gutting with his  _jian._

"Sir?" she asks, too stunned to say much else.

"That's enough."

She remains silent. She knows exactly what he means, and the shame makes her chest clench tight. She forces herself to step back into the room.

Xing-ke sighs, looks up. It takes him a long time to speak. "I requested you specifically because I needed you. And not just because of your brilliance in strategy, or tactics…

"I wanted you here because I wanted an ally. Someone I could trust. I wanted my friend, Xianglin. The same person I knew two years ago. The same person I trusted. The person I want to trust now."There's a real plea in his eyes and she can almost see it, the huge, overwhelming burden and he shoulders it himself, all by himself, the young Commander who isn't as invincible as everyone thinks.

It's another moment's silence before he turns away, brisk and business-like again. "No. Please, forget I said anything. I'm sorry for keeping you."

The room is silent and Xianglin stands in the doorway, eyes everywhere but on him. Mind working furiously, processing what he has just confessed. How could she have been so blind? To see to what degree she has pushed him away just to protect her own weak self. How she had been completely absorbed in her own misery and how she had completely and utterly failed to notice how the strain in their relationship has affected  _him_.

Finally, she finds her voice. "I'm… very sorry," she says, meeting his eyes now. At those words, something indiscernible flickers across his face.

She bows and excuses herself before he can say another word.

\--

In the morning, Xianglin takes the first opportunity she can, requests to discuss something alone with Xing-ke. He agrees, and the wariness in his eyes, like he's dealing with a stranger, hurts.

When she walks in, he gives her one stiff nod and finally  _enough is enough_ and -

"I returned to Beijing to be your aide," she says slowly, abandoning her formal tone. "But I haven't aided you at all, and I'm sorry. I... don't have an excuse for how I've been acting. But I'm here now. I'm really here. And I'm sorry," she says again, "that it took me this long."

After a brief, surprised silence, Xing-ke smiles. That one action transforms his exhausted face completely. It lights up his whole face as much as it did when they sat alone, the two of them sitting opposite one another in a tiny teahouse. "Not at all. It's good to have you back."

\--

So as she finally gets around to acting herself around him, their partnership on and off the field becomes unmatched. The leader-subordinate bond she sensed they could have back in military school turns out to be an exact prediction. The two of them are a fierce duo, the Commander Li Xing-ke and his primary tactical officer Zhou Xianglin.

She doesn't know if it's because she's known him for so long (or because she's in lov-) but when a flaw in their strategy appears and he's forced to improvise, she can read his moves, knows what he needs her to do, is there to back him up every time. The news of their teamwork is the talk of the city.

And it's not the only thing about them that is.

The way they act towards each other. The ease with which she acted towards Xing-ke again, after months of being cold, does not go unnoticed by their troops. It shouldn't have been that surprising.

But when she first gets wind of the rumours that she and Xing-ke are sleeping together, she might have sent the gossiping soldiers a fierce enough glare to send them running for the next province, but after, it takes her much longer than she cares to admit for her to regain her composure.

\--

One day, when they're alone in his office, he asks, voice low, "What you told me all those years ago… Do those feelings still hold? Are you still willing to help me with my plans?"

She doesn't hesitate long. "I am." So he slips her a note with instructions to get into a special underground room and tells her to meet him there later.

When she opens the door and finds soldiers and officers alike, all wearing grave and determined faces, she realizes Xing-ke hasn't spent these last two years idling. The plans that he first whispered to her in that old, dilapidated shop, those same plans that spoke of treason against the current system of her country, have gained more momentum than she could have ever imagined.

She can tell that she is an outsider because almost immediately after she enters the room a young man rushes up to Xing-ke, indignant and outraged.

"Commander! Why is  _she_  here?"

Xing-ke remains silent, and the young soldier takes this as permission to continue. "I know of her family. Favourites among the Eunuch Generals. How do you know she isn't a spy? How do you know she isn't preparing to sell us to the High Eunuchs now?"

The entire room goes deathly silent with the knowledge that he has gone too far. Xing-ke's previously impassive face switches with a frightening speed and he glares at the outspoken soldier with a look that quells him instantly. "I trust Xianglin with my life."

There are no more complaints after that.

She stays behind with him in the room even after all the other members have left. "I apologize for your less-than-warm welcome," he finally says, turning to her with tired eyes. He smiles briefly and they both start to make their way for the door. "Thank you for coming, Xianglin. I know what risks you're taking by joining us."

She has a brief vision of a 19 year-old agreeing to help, pledging to join a cause, and then that same girl, because of her own cowardice, running away from something that could change their country forever. "No, Commander," she replies, "It's the least I can do."

\--

_Twenty-three years old –_

They hear news. A man named Zero in Area 11, a mysterious masked individual who wins his battles with overwhelming strategy. Xingke takes an interest in this growing revolution, perhaps finding it interesting to watch the development of a situation similar to theirs. Monitors the rapidly-growing Order of the Black Knights. As he reads over the reports, Xianglin hovering by his shoulder, he murmurs, "Zero. He might be one of the most strategically brilliant men I've ever seen." Slowly, a reluctant smile forms on his lips as he turns to her. "He's a very interesting man."

A little under a year later, Zero's rebellion, the 'Black Rebellion', fails. Britannia has yet again crushed the seedling called hope and corruption has won over 'justice'.

Maybe it's because they are trying to accomplish the same thing, but when Xing-ke hears the news that the masked man has been executed for his crimes, he is subdued for days.

\--

There's a minor conflict with India, with the enemies bringing out some new Knightmares that weren't in the intelligence report. But because it's the two of them, they handle it with as minimal losses as they can manage. The battle ends up in their victory, but at the end of it, Xianglin raises a shaking hand to a brow that's soaked in sweat.

Xing-ke comes in a moment later, looking a  _lot_  worse for wear. She has the sudden urge to run to his side and support him. But she doesn't.

At least, not until he starts coughing.

It's a hacking cough, deep and raw. Xing-ke doubles over immediately and doesn't stop, his whole body heaving with it. Panic courses through her body and she's by his side immediately, desperate to help but her limbs are made of lead and refuse to move, and all she can do is watch, helpless. By the end of his fit, more than a few drops of blood are staining the wood floor.

She disregards Xing-ke's orders to leave him alone and takes him to a doctor. One tucked away in a discreet part of the city. One who could be easily bribed into not letting anythingslip.

No, it's not something that can be fixed with a few visits.

No, he won't feel the effects of it immediately.

They could stabilize the symptoms with treatment, but –

A few years, perhaps –

Yes, terminal.


	2. Chapter Two

Xing-ke asks her not to tell anyone, and of course, she can't refuse. Perhaps if she were younger, she might have even felt some perverse pleasure at knowing she was the only one he trusted with his secret.

But she's older and wiser now, and the burden of being the only one to know is suffocating.

She's the only one who feels the anxiety of waiting for the results of his medical exams to be over. She's the only one who feels that stab of fear in her heart whenever she hears what could either be the sound of him clearing his throat or the start of a bloody, messy coughing fit. 

For months she lives on edge, waiting for the other shoe to drop, to find out that despite their best efforts, someone had found the doctor she'd bribed, or someone had followed him during one of his appointments, or for him to get one of his fits while leading the men. But no one does any digging, and by some miracle his fits never happen publically, as if by the sheer force of his will he kept them back until they were alone.

But more than seeing the secrecy, more than the coughing and the blood, the sight of him putting on this strong facade is what really hurts.

"Lord Xing-ke, can't... can't we tell someone else? At least some of our most trusted men? Hong Gu, at least, should _–_ "

He interrupts, not even looking at her. "You know why we can't, Xianglin. If word of my... condition spreads to the men, it could jeopardize everything we've been working for."

"Then sir," she says, her frustration starting to seep out, "If I hadn't been there and seen it myself, you would have kept this from me too? You wouldn't have told me that you were... are...dying?"

He finally turns to her, sees her expression, and rises slowly, standing. She can feel that him stopping just a few steps away right in front of her, but she keeps her gaze resolutely to the side and is still too angry to look at him.

Xing-ke's hand comes up to her chin, and she, incredibly caught off-guard by the motion, can't do much more than just stand there as he tilts her head up so that their eyes meet. "I would have told you everything," he says softly. "Of course I would have."

Her eyes bore into his, wondering, searching. They stay that way for a few moments, his hand still at her jaw and their faces inches apart until finally, she's the one to break away first, clearing her throat. Xing-ke finally withdraws his hand.

"I believe you," she finally says, breaking the silence.

But it's not like it makes a difference.

\--

_Twenty-four years old –_

They relocate to Luo Yang, the capital, where corruption runs deepest and where they can keep a closer eye on the Eunuch Generals. It makes her a little melancholy to be leaving Beijing again, but she knows that Xing-ke's decision was the right one. And where he goes, she follows.

Eventually, Xing-ke, having gained quite the reputation, is offered the incredible honour of accompanying the High Eunuch Gao Hai to Area 11 while the Eunuch acts as a consul of the Federation there.

That Area was nothing but unrest the last year, but since the execution of Zero, things seemed to have calmed down. She wishes him a good trip and promises to take good care of the men in his absence, but doesn't think too much of it.

How quickly she's proven wrong. The day Xing-ke arrives at Area 11…

Zero returns. The news is so extreme that everywhere she turns that's all anyone can talk about. Zero has returned. He wasn't executed. He's alive. To escape Britannia, Zero and the Black Knights are being sheltered in the Chinese Consulate. Where Xing-ke is. Britannia can't fire on them without risking an international incident with their country.

Xing-ke's frustration is evident even just from the tone of his voice through the phone. "What is Gao Hai thinking? Why would he shelter those fugitives? This isn't part of our mission."

Her mouth twists into a straight line. "Please be careful, sir."

\--

She hears even more disturbing news from the turbulent area. Gao Hai is killed in a conflict with the Black Knights. Killed by Zero.

A Eunuch General, a huge obstacle in their plans, suddenly dead? Suddenly, and conveniently.

Their next conversation, she's hesitant, but she voices her uneasiness. "Sir, about Eunuch General Gao Hai…"

There's a long silence on the other end, before he offers, "He accepted the United State of Japan without consulting the mainland. He declared loyalty foremost to Zero, rather than the Empress. I did what I had to."

Her voice agrees with him even when she wants to shake her head at his hastiness.

"With all due respect, sir, the Black Knights…"  _Are not trustworthy. Zero is not trustworthy._

"They agreed to make it seem like Gao Hai had died because of them. The Black Knights allowed us to get rid of that parasite of a Eunuch General. We are indebted to them.

"However," he clarifies, knowing her arguments already, "My agreement to aid them is only in return for the Black Knights to be used as a tool to aid our own plans."

She's worried, nearly lets slip how she's thinking that it might be them being used for Zero's plans, but she doesn't. The last thing she wants to do is underestimate him.

But she does remind him, one last time, to be careful.

\--

Xianglin flies over to Area 11 to pick him up, and the two of them waste no time getting back into the private plane. They, as usual, getting right down to business discussing their plans, the Black Knights, Britannia, when -

He coughs, and as has been the case for the past year, the sound sends an automatic jolt of fear into her heart.

"Lord Xing-ke," she exclaims, rising from her seat. "You really are –"

When he draws his hand back she can see the thin stream of blood down the left side of his mouth. He pastes on a determined smile. "Do not worry about it. I just need to hold up for a little longer…"

She wants to tell him not to say things like that, but what right does she have to?

Xing-ke has his own ways of dealing with what's going to happen.

\--

A voice buzzes at her ear; gives a relatively quick report. She turns to relay the information to him. "Lord Xing-ke. The issue in Area 11 went successfully."

"I see," he says, the slightest hint of a smile on his face. "Zero plans to step on our stage, perhaps?"

\--

The arrangements between the Black Knights and the Chinese Federation have been made and sealed. Zero is granted a territory for the Japanese by the High Eunuchs, the artificial island, Hourai. A semblance of calm settles into their lives again.

She should have known it was only the calm before the storm.

It's announced. News that surpasses Zero's return in relevance to their plans.

A marriage between the Chinese Federation and Brtiannia. More specifically, a marriage of political convenience between Empress Tianzi and Britannia's First Prince, Odysseus eu Britannia.

_They're going to sell Empress Tianzi…to Britannia?_

_\--_

They hold a progress meeting the same night as the celebration banquet, and she can sense tensions are high. And why wouldn't they, after such a surprising turn of events?

"The Eunuch Generals and the Second Prince Schneizel have a secret pact already," she reports. "Marriage and cession of territory. With that, the Eunuch Generals will gain Britannian nobility."

"Nobility?" Xing-ke's voice is dripping in disbelief and scorn. "They sell their country to gain status?"

Their peers slam fists against tables and cry: "What of the people?", "We must kill the Eunuch Generals!" and, "We need to stop the wedding, even if it means moving up our plans!"

Even now, she has to be the practical one. "If we initiate a coup d'état here, we will no doubt be going to war with Britannia."

The room quiets, indignation and fury temporarily stifled.

When the others leave the room, she stays behind with him as usual, the two of them on the balcony overlooking the Forbidden City. When she sees the look on his face, she thinks it might be the most vulnerable she's ever seen him.

"What should I do, Xianglin?" He turns to her, eyes conflicted, two roads, two futures, two possible outcomes in front of him. He inhales deeply and the exhale comes out shaky and unsure. "Protect the Empress, or the alliance for peace?"

She feels something twist, painful and raw in her chest. "Sir," she says, voice heavy, "You shouldn't ask for my advice in this matter."

His features show a flicker of surprise. "Xianglin, I value your opinion–"

The pain she was feeling moments ago vanishes, replaced by something else that flares hot at his words. "Then," she interrupts, and she's surprised to hear her voice steadier and harsher than what she really feels. "If I told you to abandon the Empress for the sake of our plans, would you?"

The question has undoubtedly caught him off guard and he falls silent, troubled. She sighs then, and places a hand on his shoulder. "Sir… I think your heart has already made up its mind."

She leaves him alone then, walks back to the banquet without another word.

\--

The news circles around to their troops by the end of the night.

 _We move up our plans,_ is the message from the Commander.  _The marriage must be stopped._

When she looks back on it, there was never any question of which road he would choose to take.

\--

The morning of the wedding, she stands in their main flagship, eyes glued to the broadcast showing all over the nation. The Britannian First Prince, and the much younger Empress Tianzi, symbol of the Chinese Federation, both standing at the altar when-

The doors burst open.

"I question," declares Xing-ke, drawing his sword. He cuts a magnificent figure, flanked by their troops, eyes resolute, the symbol of the revolution, pointing his  _jian_  straight ahead. "To the voice of the skies, to the cries of the earth, to the hearts of the people!  _Where_ , in this marriage, is the will of the Chinese Federation?"

One of the Eunuch Generals stands immediately, horrified voice squealing, "Have you lost your mind, Xing-ke?"

"Silence, Zhao Hao!" he yells in reply. "Representing all citizens, we protest this marriage!"

The red-clothed soldiers swarm him and he faces multiple opponents at once, fending them off with a combination of his jian and his rope darts. She only sees him knocking aside three opponents when the broadcast is cut and her screen buzzes with white noise.

This is the catalyst. She gives the order and everything launches into action. Outside, their troops are storming the streets of the capital. She has soldiers holding government officials hostage. However, despite how well other aspects of their coup go, at the centre of it all, as it has always been, is how well things go on Xing-ke's end. With the Empress.

A voice starts to buzz in her ear. "Lady Xianglin, as expected, the guests have all evacuated the hall, but we've received reports that Zero has appeared…"

"Zero?" Again, the uneasiness returns. She tries contacting one of their squads. "Squad 3, report assault status!" Only silence greets her on the other end. "Squad 3, have you given back up to Lord Xing-ke?"

 _It can't be…_  she thinks, heart sinking. _Our plan has been used for Zero's advantage?_

_\--_

There's a thumping at the doors, and they break way to reveal the Eunuch Generals, and a multitude of red palace guards behind them. Guards who hold, handcuffed and beaten, the key members of their coup.

Including Xing-ke.

She holds her hands up and willingly lets herself be bound without a fight, because at this point, there's no use. They're thrown in an emergency underground cell right under the operating room and Xing-ke immediately fills her in on what happened on his end. His voice shakes with rage as he recounts the events. Just as he was on the verge of saving the Empress, Zero appeared and took her hostage. Even prepared Knightmares for his grand escape. Xing-ke had run out of the palace with the full of intention of going after them when he was captured by the Eunuch Generals.

From their cell, they can still hear the Eunuch Generals' voices above through the glass. Voices that rise increasingly in panic as they try to deal with Zero and the Black Knights in order to get the Empress back. From here, it's obvious that Zero's got the upper hand already. It seems Xing-ke's come to the same conclusion. "Your pursuit forces have been routed, right?" he says, eyes focused up at the glass to where the Eunuch Generals are standing.

They look down, looking surprised. "How do you know?"

"The location's the Shengzhong Gorge. If it were me, I would hide units there and ambush the enemy forces."

"And then?"

"Then I would meet with my main forces at Xiaopei."

"Hmm," one of them says, a greedy look flitting across his face. "We can pardon your sins, Xing-ke, only if you can bring Empress Tianzi back." A soldier clad in red shoves his way across their members and hauls Xing-ke up to his feet.

"In that case, I will need my supporting tactical officer, Zhou Xianglin."

The Eunuchs frown slightly, but Xing-ke cuts in before they can protest. "If you want your victory, then I need her."

They give a slight 'hmph', but order another soldier to bring her out of the cell as well. As the two of them return to the main operating room, the Eunuch Generals separate them to discuss something in private with Xing-ke. A minute later, he comes back to talk to her. "The Eunuch Generals are lending me a Knightmare. A monster that no pilot is said to be able to maneuver."

As she meets his eyes, she knows what he's thinking. That piloting something like this could only shorten his lifespan. But she knows that even if she tried holding him back for the sake of his health, he wouldn't listen. Knows better than anyone the lengths Xing-ke will go to for the Empress. So she sets her shoulders and tells him, "Do what you need to, to get the Empress back. I'll back you up."

\--

Xianglin stands there among the Eunuchs, arms still bound tightly behind her back, and watches the screen intently. On it appears the unit they had just discussed, an elegant blue Knightmare, completely unlike any of the other series she's known.

The  _Shen Hu_ , the Divine Tiger.

The way its slash harkens spin, the yellow wires flashing as they obliterated the foolish enemy Knightmares who underestimated him… they remind her so strongly of Xing-ke, overcoming multiple opponents with a few twists of his rope darts.

She can't help but smile. The  _Shen Hu_  is made for him.

"Can you hear me, Zero?" says Xing-ke, voice amplified from within his Knightmare.

Zero's deep voice, also amplified, carries through the battlefield. "Are you… Xing-ke?"

"Zero, I will not let you pass. Return the Empress now. I will not take your life if you do so."

"Xing-ke!" screams another voice, this time female, and with a flash of red, the Ace of the Black Knights leaps onto the scene.

It's a devastating fight. The Shen Hu and the Guren Kashoushiki clash, blue against red, and there's no slow calculating of each other's strength. The two of them throw themselves into battle with vigour, holding nothing back, strengths equal. Eventually one of the Shen Hu's wires wraps around the Guren's leg.

"I have you. The fight has been decided!"

There's laughter in Kallen Kozuki's voice as she replies. "Right, in the form of your defeat!" The left hand of the Guren grabs hold of the wire that has trapped it. "You can't get away anymore… Now, I'll strike this in your face!" And on the other side, that infamous right hand crackles with energy.

"I see, then that leaves me with no choice," says Xing-ke, voice low and determined. "I have no choice but to kill you."

The Guren charges forward, right arm extended. "Let's see you try it!"

Just as she is about to fire her long-range Radiant Wave Surger, the Guren stumbles. Xing-ke takes advantage of the Guren's helplessness and in but a moment he has captured it, cockpit wrapped up, trapped in the Shen Hu's wires. Xing-ke holds the short sword pointed at the cockpit of the Knightmare, essentially taking the Black Knight's ace as a hostage.

"I didn't want to have to do this, but I have an objective. The Empress. Return the –." He stops mid-speech, voice choking, and of course, she recognizes that sound, has for the past year. The enemy Knightmares twitch, ready to take advantage of Xing-ke's momentary weakness and  _no, what's she doing, watching, didn't she say she'd always back him up?_

"Now!" She gives the order and within seconds she has the rest of their army firing at the Black Knights. The enemy scatters, their attention now off of the struggling Xing-ke and diverted to their main forces behind him. "Anti-air fire, continue! Give Lord Xing-ke support!"

The Shen Hu retreats slowly. A line of communication opens and a familiar voice comes through, slightly muffled in static. "Xianglin, right? You saved me there."

After he puts the captive Guren and its pilot to the hands of Britannia, Shen Hu launches out again, and she can already see his plan. The enemy force is a hastily-gathered army. They have no choice but to concentrate the order of command around Zero. However, their Knightmare Frames are superior to theirs, spec-wise. That left only one option for their forces. Put Shen Hu at the front and break through the centre.

And they do.

Xing-ke expertly maneuvers the Black Knights straight into their trap and the canal water come in and the enemy's Knightmares sink into the cheap irrigated land. Xing-ke, gaining the upper hand on the battlefield against a man like  _Zero._

"The bearer of our victory is our country's land itself. Zero, you've lost!" The powerful cannon mounted onto the torso of the Shen Hu opens for the third time that day, aimed straight to the  _Ikaruga_ , but Tohdoh comes flying in on his Akatsuki, takes Xing-ke off-guard and the cannon fires off-target, sparing Zero's life.

"To be expected of Tohdoh of miracles," says Xing-ke, with something that sounds like respect in his voice. "But, the main enemy forces have stopped here! All units, advance!"

" _Chen, zun zhi_!" she replies.  _I, your subordinate, shall follow your command._

As she watches their troops fly into battle again, led by Xing-ke piloting the Shen Hu, she feels that familiar stab of fear. The Shen Hu, a Knightmare that was kept in storage because piloting it was too physically demanding. And here he is, a dying man, wielding it expertly on an incredibly tense battlefield, where they have everything on the line. This much strain on his body...

Intelligence on par with Zero, and military prowess on the same level as a Knight of Rounds. The heavens gave him both gifts.

_They only did not give him time…_

_\--_

The Black Knights start to retreat. Xing-ke and his troops chase after, and find the place the enemy has chosen to crawl and hide into.

Tianzi Bashiba Ling. The tomb of the Eighty-Eight Emperors. There's a little hesitation. Do they really want to lay siege to the place where their Emperors sleep forever? The Black Knights hole up inside, heavy Hadron cannons pointed out from the only entrance. Despite this, their forces press forward –

 _Bang._ Where a section of their troops stood is now just a smoking, blackened crater. The tomb ahead where the Black Knights lay was completely still. No sign of an attack. Then from where…?

The answer quickly became apparent. Behind them, the High Eunuchs' forces which had been working with them up to this point, fire against Xing-ke and the rest of their rebel troops.

"We cannot forgive those who have rebelled against us," one of the Eunuchs says, fat cheeks rolling up into a disgusting smile. Their bodyguards scattered around the room, so far fairly inactive, turn and point their guns at her.

Xianglin doesn't even flinch. Gritting her teeth, she bites out, "Now's not the time for that. Besides, aren't we trying to get the Empress back?"

"It's fine up to this point. We have very impressive reinforcements coming in."

"Do you even understand what you're doing? How could you even think of asking for foreign aid? And especially from…"

"Quiet," they say, and when she disregards that and makes to continue speaking, one of the soldiers brings his knee up to her stomach and bound, she can't do anything but collapse, wind knocked thoroughly out of her. She doesn't even have the strength to resist as they begin to gag her.

So they turn the country against Xing-ke's forces and ask for Britannia's aid, ask for help from the man who has captured half of the E.U., Schneizel el Britannia. So now do they not only have the Black Knights ahead, but it isn't long before the see the three eight-generation Knightmares of the Knight of Rounds fly in and join the fray.

Xianglin believed that, at least, in the Tianzi Bashiba Ling, the Empress would be safe. That what prevented their troops from defeating the Black Knights earlier could also keep the Empress safe now. That the High Eunuchs were incapable of doing anything rash.

She underestimated them.

The Chinese Federation troops bombard the tomb with the Empress still inside. Ready to bury her there with the Black Knights. Effectively abandoning her.

\--

"Those damn Eunuchs…" yells Xing-ke. "They plan to stain the Tianzi Bashiba Ling with their greed, too? All units, hold your fire! The Empress is in there!"

"You just don't understand, eh?" The tone of their voices sends a shiver down her spine. "Xing-ke, that's where all the Tianzis in our history sleep forever."

"In other words, a grave. We shall bury the current Tianzi. We have already prepared a new Tianzi. A puppet that would be easier to attach to the Prince Odysseus."

"How dare you all insult the –" The Shen Hu turns to charge to the flagship where the traitorous High Eunuchs lie, but the Knight of Three attacks him before he can. As the battle between Britannia, the High Eunuch's forces, Xing-ke's forces and the Black Knights rages on before them, the monitor gives a quick flicker before a familiar mask fills the screen. Zero.

_Zero?_

The High Eunuchs make identical triumphant smiles. "You, personally admitting defeat?"

"You have no intentions of ceasing fire no matter what?" says Zero. "At this rate, Tianzi will die."

"The Tianzi is just a system. Replacements are abundant."

Zero's voice is angrier than she would have expected. "What of the citizens that remain?"

"Zero, when you walk, do you try to avoid stepping on ants on the ground? There are plenty of leaders and people, like the number of bugs in the world!" They all burst into disgusting laughter that makes her clench her fists so tightly her nails break the skin of her palms and start to bleed.

In that moment, the innocent Empress runs out of the top of the Black Knights' flagship, headfirst into the danger, screaming that they should stop fighting.

Zhao Hao smiles with the satisfaction of one who sees all conditions of their plans cleared. "Now, shoot Tianzi!"

 _Sha wu she!_  cry the rest of the soldiers.  _Kill without mercy._

Xing-ke, of course, rushes in to protect her, save her. As if he would do anything else. He gets there just in time. The Shen Hu's shields go up, and the impact of the combined firepower slamming into the single unit is deafening.

"Run away, Empress! You finally got to the outside world, but you haven't seen anything yet. I will hold my shields here."

"But you need to be with me, Xing-ke!" cries the Empress tearfully. "I want you to… I want you to…"

In her mind's eye, Xianglin can almost see the surprise, then the half-smile on his face. "Such words are too honourable for me. However –"

The Shen Hu ontinues taking brutal hits to protect the Empress and she can't do anything but watch as pieces fly off the once-magnificent Knightmare. _You foolish, foolish man._  She screams against her gag, hating the Eunuchs, hating Britannia, hating her helplessness, but above all…

Hating the Empress. Hating that innocent girl who will  _never_ understand what Xing-ke's done, exactly what he's sacrificed, to save her, to protect her.

_He'll die._

The Eunuchs give the order to keep firing. Shen Hu, in its current state, will succumb.

Xing-ke's voice is the most desperate she's ever heard. "Someone! Anyone, please save her!"

A fresh barrage of missiles launch towards Xing-ke and the Empress. Finally, she closes her eyes.

"Very well," echoes a deep voice. "That wish has been heard."

The voice rings familiar. It's Zero's voice.

Her eyes fly open.  _What?_

The missiles land and the whole of the Black Knights' flagship is covered in an explosion.

\--

Eventually the dust settles. The Shen Hu is intact, (she feels such an immense wave of relief it's nauseating) and on the screen, magnified, is the Empress, alive. But all attention is drawn to what's in front of them. A new Knightmare, with a completely unique design, armoured black and gold.

The Eunuchs screech in disbelief. "What is that Knightmare?"

"It not only protected the Empress, but Xing-ke as well?"

"I ask you all, gentlemen of the Chinese Federation and Britannia," says Zero. "Do you still wish to fight me? Fight Zero?"

"Zero?" exclaims the Knight of Seven, Kururugi Suzaku. "On the front lines in person?"

_Why?_

"What are you all doing?" scream the Eunuch Generals. "All units fire at once and take him down!"

"I see. That is the answer of the Eunuch Generals, I take it?" More firepower rains down to Xing-ke and Zero's direction, but, as she expected, they bounce off of this formidable Knightmare's shields. Then it launches an extremely powerful cannon, wiping out entire sections of the Eunuch Generals' forces.

"Quite pathetic, Xing-ke," says Zero. "Not only are you betrayed by your countrymen, but you can't even save one woman. But now you know. I am the only one you can join forces with."

"That doesn't mean that I will become your subordinate," replies Xing-ke.

"Of course not," says Zero, and his voice sounds amused by the thought. "You have the ability to lead a country. His voice switches to those deep tones suited for his majestic proclamations of justice. "I need to save Tianzi, you, and all the weak citizens of the Chinese Federation!"

"You think you can change the course of the battle with just that Knightmare of yours?"

"No," again, that slightly arrogant tone. "The tides of battle can only be influenced not by real-time tactics, but with strategy!"

A man comes running in. Urgent report for the High Eunuchs. A revolt is taking place, right now, in Shanghai. And not only that. There are fourteen other places where citizens have simultaneously revolted. Her eyes are extremely wide, almost bulging The answer becomes clear. The Eunuchs' dialogue with Zero, about how they only saw the Empress as a pawn, how they truly thought of the citizens… With clever use of the media, Zero leaked their speech to the public, and now they pay the consequences.

Her hands are still bleeding but the pain is completely dulled by her satisfaction at watching the Eunuchs panic as their country turns against them. Even the foreign aid has abandoned them, the Avalon and the Knight of Rounds retreating, claiming that having lost the support of their country, the Eunuch Generals are unable to ask help from Britannia as representatives of the Chinese Federation.

There's a huge crash above and the ceiling breaks open, debris and dust falling in every direction. She braces herself, still tied down, and watches the Shen Hu fly in. The cockpit of the Shen Hu opens, with Xing-ke standing there, looking down to the Eunuchs completely powerless below.

"It appears even Schneizel has given up on you, Eunuch Generals."

There's pure panic on their faces. "Wait, we'll back down, so –"

"Protecting yourselves to the very end?" He leaps from the Shen Hu, brandishing his  _jian_. She looks away, only sees how the floor is quickly stained in blood from the corner of her eye. There's the sound of a few  _thumps_ , and with her mind's eye she sees the corpses of the Eunuch Generals collapsing.

When she looks forward again, the first thing she sees is Xing-ke's face, hovering over her. He carefully reaches over to release her from her bonds. Finally, she feels his touch graze her cheek as he undoes her gag.

"Are you alright, Xianglin?" he asks. His fingertips linger on the red marks where the gag had dug deep.

"Yes, I'm fin –" she says distractedly, but when she focuses on his face, even in the darkness she can see the toll this day has taken on him, see the slack in his usual firm posture. As she always has (and always will), they walk forward together, she supporting him.

\--

After, they assemble on top of the Black Knight's vessel, the members of their coup on one side and the members of the Black Knights on the other. And in the middle, wedding dress ragged and dirty, the Empress stands, with Xing-ke kneeling before her. The two of them link pinkies, and she's brought back to a lazy afternoon in a tea shop and a handsome young man telling her the story of how he made a promise with an Empress.

Xing-ke smiles and the hand that is linked with hers shifts so that their thumbs touch together as well. Their pledge of eternal peace is brought to full circle. "I will continue to protect you. Forever…"

She knows what Xing-ke must be feeling. Their country has overturned its corrupt leaders, they have cemented a powerful ally and of course, most of all, his cherished Empress is safe and sound. Xing-ke's happy.

So she watches on and tries to feel the same way.

\--

_Twenty-five years old -_

Forty-seven countries, (including the former Chinese Federation, now the United States of China) rally under the banner of the new United Federation of Nations. A new world power is born, one to rival Britannia. The Order of the Black Knights becomes the supranational military force of the UFN.

The CEO of this new and improved Black Knights is Zero, of course. The position of General Commander goes to Xing-ke, and to her surprise, she's appointed a position as well. Chief of Staff of the Black Knights.

He takes time out of their busy schedules to come congratulate her. She accepts his congratulations, but feels compelled to clarify one thing.

"Even if I am formally serving Zero now," she says, meeting his eyes. "My loyalty will always be, first and foremost, to you, Lord Xing-ke."

Xing-ke smiles at her serious expression. "I know that, Xianglin."

\--

The first action of the UFN is declaration is war against Britannia to liberate Area 11. In anticipation, the Knights of the Round and the bulk of Britannia's military are transferred to Japan.

The decisive battle at the Tokyo settlement ends in their loss again. The new FLEIJA warhead developed by Britannia obliterates the settlement and kills over a million people. The Black Knights have pronounced their CEO, Zero, dead. Apparently, he suffered wounds during the battle in the Tokyo Settlement and while he received treatment inside his flagship, Ikaruga, he took his last breath early this morning.

Zero is dead. Somehow the news doesn't sink in. It doesn't seem possible? Zero? The man who created miracles?

Zero, the man who died despite his genius and brilliance. And of course, this news only brings forth unpleasant reminders of another genius of equal brilliance, winding down a similar path.

\--

Emperor Charles zi Britannia is pronounced dead, and in a live ceremony, a young man named Lelouch vi Britannia comes, sits on the empty throne, and pronounces himself the new Emperor.

Following Lelouch vi Britannia's ascension to the throne, the Area and Numbers system is abolished and full citizenship is granted to all former Numbers. The Black Knights are confused as to what to do now that their enemy is suddenly doing good things.

The air is always tense around the core members of the Black Knights when they talk about the new Emperor. She has the sneaking suspicion she's been kept in the dark, and when she confronts Xing-ke about it, he caves in fairly easily, confiding in her the big secret.

The 99th Emperor, Lelouch vi Britannia, is really Zero. Then, if that isn't shocking enough, he possesses some sort of power called Geass that allowed him bend people's minds and will. They say that that power was the source of all his miracles. She just listens with her forehead creased, trying to suspend her disbelief. But this is Xing-ke, and she knows him, and he wouldn't even suggest something so utterly ridiculous unless it were actually true.

Emperor Lelouch announces his intention to join the UFN and everyone can see it. By Britannia joining the UFN, its large population would give it majority vote in the UFN, effectively giving Lelouch control of the organization. And so he reveals his true nature; he isn't looking for trust. He's aiming for dictatorship.

The UFN uselessly tries to get him to limit his votes. In response, the Lancelot bursts through the ceiling and he takes the world leaders hostage. Including the Tianzi.

They decide to back Prince Schneizel and the Knights of Round against Lelouch. One final, decisive battle.

She sees Xing-ke's determined expression ( _the Empress is in danger, the Empress must be_  saved) and it gives her a little courage.

\--

The decisive battle in Area 11 ends in their loss.

The Emperor of Britannia, Lelouch, having taken hold of the fortress Damocles and the FLEIJA warheads, seizes control of the world. For the next two months, the world suffers under his dictator rule.

Somehow, she escapes, but Xingke and the Empress, along with the core members of the Black Knights, are captured and slated for public execution.

Xianglin remembers how once, she witnessed how Xing-ke had struggled between two paths. But there's no mistaking which one she has to take here.

She prepares a ticket to Area 11.


	3. Chapter Three

Xianglin finds remnants of the Order of the Black Knights who've evaded capture, like she has, along with, surprisingly, Cornelia li Britannia. They all land in Area 11 on the day of the execution. Just a handful of them, with a few ragged guns? The strategist in her is laughing at their odds. She closes her eyes and breathes out unsteadily. Better to die here than to sit idly by.

At least she would die trying to save Xing-ke.

Time passes too quickly, and Xianglin finds herself peeking through window blinds, watching as the Emperor's entourage rolls down the street. Immediately her eyes search through those white straitjackets and metal confinements. She scans the faces: Kozuki Kallen stands out with that red hair, and so does that Sumeragi princess, the Tianzi's friend. Eventually, she finds the two she's been looking for. Xing-ke's face is thin and pale. And even from here, she can tell that the Empress is crying.

Then, the miracle. The masked symbol for justice, Zero, flying between the Knightmares, a sword glinting through the air. The sword, piercing evil through the abdomen, the Emperor, tumbling down in a streak of blood.

She hefts her gun as Cornelia cries, "Lelouch the demon has died! Release the hostages!"

Xianglin runs to where the prisoners are confined as fast as she can, and when Xing-ke exclaims in surprise, she can barely hear him. She frees the Empress first (as he would want it) then works at his constraints after. Once he's free, she takes a brief moment to take in his face, drink in his presence and the real, absolute fact that  _he's here, in front of her, and he's safe._ The impulse to forget rank and throw her arms around him is overwhelming. She almost does it.

But she doesn't. Because a white-haired red-eyed Tianzi rushes forward, sobbing and shaking, and Xing-ke brushes past Xianglin to envelop the young leader in his arms. His voice is ragged and completely relieved as he breathes: "Empress. I'm so glad you're alright."

Xianglin stands apart, stiff, tense, ugly thoughts seeping into every core, wrapping around the complete joy she felt just a few moments ago and dragging it down to the depths of jealousy and hatred and she swears she's seeing red, red like the Empress' eyes,  _the Empress,_ this naïve girl who doesn't know  _anything_ , who doesn't  _understand_  –

"Thank you for saving us." Xianglin startles, shaking halfway free from her reverie as she stares at the source of that voice. "Thank you," Tianzi repeats. Then the Empress smiles, shy, tremulous and completely genuine.

Xianglin looks at the Empress' earnest face and thinks she sees a glimpse of exactly why Xing-ke dedicated his life to her.

So, today, on this day of victory, and triumph, Xianglin breathes out and releases her bitterness to the beautiful, open blue sky.

"No, Empress," she replies, bowing her head. "I'm just glad you're alright."

\--

_Twenty-six years old -_

Xianglin examines her reflection closely. A flower in her brown hair and a tight-fitting dress showing just a little too much leg. But why not? It's a joyous occasion, after all. A wedding. Ohgi and Viletta's, and the three of them Commander, Aide and Empress, are in the United States of Japan for the express purpose of attending.

The Empress is preparing for the wedding with Sumeragi Kaguya, leaving Xianglin alone in the extremely grandiose hotel suite.

 _Knock._ She goes to open the hotel door. Xing-ke's there and she can't deny that he makes a strikingly handsome figure, drawn up to his full height, formal wear flattering his figure, his jian still at his hip even in this time of peace.

"You look lovely," he says, and because she really can't afford to dwell on that compliment for long, she changes the topic to something much safer and suggests they start going. He holds an arm out, a perfect gentleman, when -

Xing-ke doubles over, coughing and hacking violently. When he straightens, there's a dribble of blood in the corner of his mouth, and she rushes to his side, eyes fearful.

"Lord Xing-ke?"

He doesn't straighten up, waving a hand impatiently against her concern, like he has countless of times before. Instead, he remains doubled over on the floor, unconscious. Immediately, she calls a car to drive them to the hospital.

By the time Xing-ke's settled on a crisp white bed, he's already starting to regain consciousness. As soon as she notices his eyes start to flicker open, she startles out of the chair by his side and is quick to explain. "The doctor has confined you to bed rest. He says… he says you should've been here months earlier."

He smiles weakly. "I trust you to send my apologies to Ohgi and Viletta... and to the Empress also... "

She nods quickly, desperate to agree, to somehow make this hopeless situation better. "…Are you sure you don't need me to stay here? I don't need to go."

"No, you need to be there. Besides," he smiles again, though the red trickling from the corner of his mouth ruins the image. "I need you at the Empress' side."

Her eyes slide shut. She's lost count of how many times this has happened, where he's said something with only the best intentions and even without any logical reason, it hurts. These little things slide off her easier now, just little pinpricks that don't even reach her heart.

Eventually, eyes still closed, she nods. "Of course, Commander."

\--

At the wedding reception, the Empress spends most of her time by Sumeragi Kaguya's side, and Xianglin hangs back, nurturing a deep red wine to chase away the memories of Xing-ke's blood splattered across her floor. Tianzi was obviously distressed at the news, but one gentle reminder from Xianglin to be brave for Xingke's sake kept the tears at bay, and now the young Empress socialized easily with the rest of the old comrades at the reception.

"Miss Xianglin?" A bright, feminine voice. Vaguely familiar. It snaps the woman out of her stupor and surprisingly, Xianglin finds herself face-to-face with the Supreme Councilwoman of the UFN.

"What is it, Lady Kaguya?" she asks. She can't fathom what this charismatic young woman wants with her. Thankfully, the wilful Sumeragi princess seems to understand that Xianglin is in no mood for petty talk, and gets straight to the point.

"Are you in love with Li Xing-ke?"

That's it. There. Laid out in front of her, so clearly she can't ignore it, the one thing Xianglin can't resolve. She's been caught off-guard so badly that for several seconds, all she can do is stare, mouth open. The young remaining head of the Kyoto House gives a tiny sigh at her reaction. "I see. "

Xianglin's ashamed to say it takes her a full minute to regain her composure. But when it does, her coolest expression glides back in and her voice is as impersonal as she can make it when she says, "You'd have to be a fool not to notice he can only think about the Empress."

The last of the Six Houses of Kyoto flicks an ornate fan over the bottom half of her face. "…That's not an answer."

Xianglin breathes out, slowly. "I understand you are asking this on behalf of the Empress. But I assure you, there is no reason to be worried." She hesitates, severely uncomfortable but nevertheless determined to clear up any misunderstanding that could spell disaster for the Empress' emotional wellbeing. "I gave up on him years ago."

Over the fan, Kaguya's eyes are deep green wells of understanding far beyond her years. "But you see, Miss Xianglin… I don't think you have."

With one last look, she flutters away.

After another minute of shocked silence, Xianglin downs the rest of her wine in one gulp and orders another glass. For the rest of the evening, she tries to convince herself that Kaguya's mistaken.

She doesn't succeed.

\--

After, Xianglin visits the hospital and speaks to the doctor about Xingke's condition. "Two months, at most," the doctor says, and, weakly, offers: "The whole country will feel the loss of Lord Xing-ke."

She feels no sense of comfort from those words. She'd had years to resign herself to his death, but those years were filled with war, with more immediate dangers that pushed this problem from her mind. More pressing matters in the present that pushed everything of the 'future' to the side.

Now the future  _is_  the present, and there's no pushing the matter for later. No other responsibilities that took higher priority than this. She has to face Xing-ke's death head on.

Has to face the fact that in a few short months, he'll be gone forever. Xing-ke. Her Commander, her comrade, her friend, her love.

She looks down and notices, for the first time, that her hands are trembling.

\--

They return home. Not to Luo Yang, not to the Forbidden City where the Empress resides. But  _home,_ Beijing, so Xing-ke's placed in the best, most advanced hospital in the country.

Not that it matters. But if this is the absolute end, Xing-ke might as well die in complete luxury.

Xianglin pores over reports in her usual chair by Xing-ke's bedside, with Xing-ke sitting up on his bed, reading similar documents. The first time she spent the afternoon in the hospital with him, he had sighed, understanding but firm, and told her that she should leave, that she had better ways to spend her time and he'd feel better if she was at the army, being strong for the men in this difficult time.

She'd ignored him.

This had gone on for the better part of two weeks and everyday Xing-ke insisted, at first softly, then angrily, that he didn't need her here and every day, she – the same Zhou Xianglin considered to be the perfect subordinate who never failed to follow her superior's commands – refused. Eventually, they had gotten into an argument so fierce, the doctor had to intervene.

The next day, when she came back and sat back down on the chair without a single word, he finally just sighed and told her to hand over the second half of the reports. She'd smiled, and for the first time in weeks, said "Yes sir," and obeyed.

\--

Today, there's an unusual amount of the sound of shuffling feet in the usually quiet hospital hall. Xianglin lifts her head from her reading to glance at the direction of the door. As if on cue, it opens.

"Good afternoon," greets an all-too familiar voice.

Xianglin finds herself staring at no one other than the Tianzi, and Xianglin has to wonder at how much the Empress has grown in the span of the last months they'd seen each other. Tianzi no longer holds herself like an uncertain child, head always turning to her shoulder where the Eunuch Generals used to hover. Instead, she stood taller, a little more experienced but eyes still young, still bright.

Xianglin immediately leaps off her seat and sinks into a low bow. "Empress."

Xing-ke makes to copy her, but Xianglin sends him one look and he settles back down onto the bed.

"May I have a moment alone with Xing-ke?" Tianzi asks.

"Of course, Empress," Xianglin replies. She bows one more time before closing the door behind her. But the moment she's closed the door and turned around, she's blinded by flashes of what must be a hundred different cameras, all going off at the same time.

There's a disgusting amount of reporters crowding around the door she'd just closed, shoving microphones in her face. the sheer number of them, all pressing in closer to her and to the Xing-ke's room, is enough to make her feel overwhelmed. The questions bombard her from all directions, but they all run in the same vein.  _Lady Xianglin! Just one, two questions! What of the rumours concerning you and Lord Xing-ke? Tell us, tell us, exactly what kind of relationship do you have with him?_

That clears her head. She immediately orders them all to leave and when they continue to swarm around her, draws her sword. That, in combination with her fiercest military face, causes most of the media hounds to disperse.

She takes one backward glance at the door to Xing-ke's room where he is alone with the Empress, probably saying their goodbyes. With his worsening condition, and the Empress' busy schedule, she knows the two of them are expecting these words to be their last to each other.

Just as she decides to give them their privacy and makes to leave, she spots a snooty reporter woman trying to sneak back in at the end of the hallway. Xianglin proceeds to intimidate her into leaving, but another one appears from the opposite end of the hallway. She gives one heavy sigh and decides to stay a little longer, just to keep away the last few rats who foolishly try to sneak in and interrupt Xing-ke and Tianzi's last moments together.

When the sound of muffled crying filters through the door, Xianglin feels incredibly like she's intruding. She doesn't want to be here, doesn't want to be witness to this even if it's just outside the door where she can't hear. She glances down the empty hallway. It's been calm for a while now. There wouldn't be any more people trying to sneak in. Probably. She could leave now and if more appear, she could always say she tried her best and no one would blame her. Right?

But she stays anyway, laughs at herself and wonders if she's some sort of masochist.

She doesn't know how long it takes, but eventually Tianzi comes out of the room with pink eyes and wet cheeks. The Empress hesitates for a moment, surprise apparent on her tearstained face. She takes a tentative look around the decidedly empty hallway and when she turns back to face Xianglin, Xing-ke's military aide already has a white handkerchief offered to her.

Tianzi takes it with a quiet "Thank you" and Xianglin knows she's not just thanking her for the handkerchief.

Eventually the Empress breaks the silence again. "Miss Xianglin… to be honest, I was a little jealous."

Xianglin's eyes widen, though she's learned more about being shocked from her encounter with Kaguya and manages to keep her mouth closed. The Empress continues, oblivious. "I remember meeting you and thinking that you matched Xing-ke so well. You're so smart, and capable, and mature... and the two of you seemed so close and I..." Tianzi fades off a little here and the two of them stand in silence, the Empress twisting the handkerchief nervously in her hands until finally, she looks up again. "Thank you, Miss Xianglin," she says again, that earnest look back on her face. "You'll...stay with him until the end, won't you?"

The situation is more than ironic, but she nods anyway.

\--

 _Twenty-seven years old_ -

Xianglin closes the door behind her and rests her jacket on her chair, just as she has every day for the last three months. Xing-ke's held on a little longer than the doctors had estimated, and why wouldn't he? He's done amazing things with just the force of his will before.

"How is your condition today, Lord Xing-ke?"

"I feel surprisingly well," he says, and it might just be the truth. Just as he should be on his deathbed, his cheeks have a little more colour in them and his eyes don't seem so sunken in his face. She leaves briefly to convince the doctor that an excursion outside is necessary. She knows that perhaps a few months ago he would have refused with something about rest, but now, at the very end, all the man does is fidget with his glasses before conceding with, "If Lord Xing-ke feels up to it, then…"

She tells Xing-ke right away, nearly drags him out of the door and refuses to tell him their destination because she wants to see the look on his face when they reach it. And the look on his face is indeed worth it.

The old teahouse is quite a bit more polished now – still small, still quaint, but a lot less rickety. The sign hangs straight. No leaks springing out from mouldy corners, no cracked glass in the windows and booths that don't have holes in the cushions. A familiar face mans the counter. His clothes are less patched, his beard is neatly trimmed, and his cheeks have filled out some with evidence of more regular meals. He's obviously a little preoccupied and does not really pay attention to their faces. "A table for two, then?" He points down the newer sections of the shop that she doesn't recognize. They wait patiently, not seating themselves, and the old man finally looks up to see what's wrong.

The look of surprise on his face nearly makes her smile. "Lord Xing-ke! Lady Xianglin! The heroes of our country!" His bulging eyes are almost comical, but the shock wears off and soon the old man is beaming brightly at them. "Please, please, over here!"

He leads them not where he originally pointed, but to a familiar old booth beside the window. As she sits down in the improved but familiar seats, an intense wave of nostalgia hits her.

"If I remember correctly," the old man says, still beaming, "Jasmine for Lord Xing-ke and oolong for Lady Xianglin, yes?"

She nods. He scurries to get their orders and the two of them are left alone in their old booth.

"This brings back memories," Xing-ke says, eyes scanning the shop. He turns back to her, obviously feeling nostalgic as well. "Don't you think so, Xianglin?"

"I agree, Lord Xing-ke," she replies, and she turns to him just in time to catch the familiar hint of disapproval in his eyes. A large and outspoken corner of her mind asks her what she's being so stubborn about, and finally, because this place is special, she relents.

She eases up on her rigid posture and lets herself relax onto the booth's cushions. "It's been a  _long_ time since then, hasn't it, Xing-ke?" With that, and the lack of titles or formality, she breaks down that last barrier she's put up between them.

He smiles.

Their orders arrive. The appearance of the shop might have changed, but thankfully one thing has not – the tea is as delicious as it was it when she sat here seven years ago, listening to Xing-ke's first whispers of rebellion. As the afternoon stretches on, they talk about a lot of things, first haltingly, then arguing and interrupting each other like they're both young and eighteen again and she thinks that while it may have been a long time, there are a lot of things that haven't changed at all.

Despite her best efforts, the day passes by all too quickly, and before she knows it, the sun's already brushing the horizon. The late orange sunlight casts over his face in such a way that highlights his protruding cheekbones. A memory flashes in her mind of the same face, but younger and healthier, in this exact same environment. Such a small thing to notice, and yet that's all it takes. 

Her good mood vanishes in an instant.

"Xianglin…" says Xing-ke, sounding concerned. Of course he would notice. "Are you alright?"

The automatic 'Yes, Commander', is at the tip of her tongue. And it's tempting, to just continue on as she always has, burying everything she wants to say under an ice-cold front. But she's sitting here, so much time has passed, and this place is special. So what comes out is: "Do you remember the last time we were here, all those years ago?""

He looks at her with a question in his eyes. "Xianglin?"

She tries to latch onto the spurt of courage that caused her outburst moments ago. "Do you?"

His face stays confused only for a moment before it clicks. His eyes suddenly fill with understanding. "I remember."

Swallowing hard, she turns her gaze down to her hands, avoiding his eyes. "Even before then… Did you know?" She doesn't have to complete it, doesn't have to say  _how I felt_ when the words are already hovering in the air between them.

Xing-ke's eyes slide shut. "I did."

"And do you know now?"

One soft sigh. "I do."

Xianglin lets one small, bitter smile curve her lips. "That's what I thought." She inhales, slowly. "Nothing's changed, Xing-ke. I... haven't changed."

He starts to say something but she doesn't let him, and keeps going, words that she's hidden for too long overflowing uncontrollably out. "… After I figured out that you must've known, I remember thinking how everything would have been so much easier if you'd said something. If you'd just put me out of my misery. And I... I never said anything because I thought it'd be easier to let you do it. So I waited. Waited for you to tell me to give up, and move on, so I finally  _could._ " Her voice cracks, hitches in her throat. "But you didn't. And I haven't. I haven't moved on. I've been stuck, Xing-ke, for years and years. And it hurt. Sometimes it  _hurt_  so much I wanted to leave, to transfer to the farthest corner of the Federation and try and try to forget you again."

Deep breath. Don't falter now. "But I don't regret it, Xing-ke. Even if it hurt… all those years I spent with you…"  _Look up. Even if he's going to make the same face as before, just look up._ She does. She meets his eyes, and rather than shrink away, that familiar colour gives her courage. "I don't regret them."

Silence settles in between the two of them and it isn't long before the enormity of what she's just said finally hits her. Xianglin blinks rapidly, mortified. "My deepest apologies," she starts to say, polite veneer sliding back in. "I've overstepped my boundar–"

"No," he immediately replies. "There's nothing to apologize for."

The remnants of the late, orange sun trickle through the tiny window to bathe their faces in warmth. She thinks about breaking the silence by noting the lateness and already has a sentence ready about them needing to return to the hospital when she feels a familiar, callused touch at her wrist.

Startling, her face jerks to the front to see his just inches away. He's so close she can feel his thin breath ghost over her face. A shiver of anticipation goes down her spine, and instinctively, her eyes slide shut.

The kiss is light, but the pressure of his lips against hers is as steady and warm. Both of his hands gently cup her face and, almost unconsciously, one of her hands finds its way to the back of his neck, steadying him. 

She knows it's not a kiss borne out of love. But it's enough.

They separate, and when she opens her eyes, she's greeted with a faint smile.

"Thank you again, Xianglin. For everything," he murmurs softly, forehead resting against hers. They stay like that for a few precious, fleeting seconds before she pulls away, nodding, understanding everything he's left out, even if he hasn't said it out loud. Can feel his apology in how he takes her hand, and can feel his goodbye in how he lets go of it.

\--

When he's back on crisp, sterile sheets, she lets formalities drop for a final time and leans over to brush her lips briefly against the papery skin of his cheek. "Good night, Xing-ke," she murmurs, before pulling back to better see his face. When she sees him smile, she touches one hand gently against his cheek and lets it linger there a second longer before she finally pulls away.

\--

The moment she gets back to her cold apartment, she sinks down to the ground, back to the door. Curls up, knees pressed against her body, and before she can help herself, she starts to cry. Cries with years of emotions she'd crushed and hid under a composed, stone face. Cries with every feeling she's choked down. Cries with the knowledge that Kaguya was right, that no matter how hard she tried to deny it, one part of her had still hoped. One part of her hadn't given up, had still clung to that dream where he told her he felt the same and immediately, she'd feel gratified that her feelings weren't wasted. That these years she'd been so hopelessly, so pathetically in love weren't in vain.

Xianglin lifts a hand to her lips, recalls a kiss that for now is more bitter than sweet, and thinks that even though it's supposed to be closure, right now all it feels like is hurt.

\--

The next day, Xing-ke's worse, much worse. He's far too weak to talk, to even sit up. Just lies in his bed, feverish, face strained even in sleep. She doesn't leave his side. A few times, his eyes open, but he doesn't even seem to see her, trapped in some waking dream. She sits completely still, save for the one occasional movement of her placing a cool hand against his heated skin.

They say it won't be long now.

\--

Xianglin refuses to go home, doesn't pay any mind that visiting hours are long past. The doctor sees she can't be persuaded and with a sigh, gets a nurse to bring her an extra blanket and pillow and she takes to sleeping in the plush chair right there just three feet away from Xing-ke's hospital bed.

She wakes up slightly disoriented, sunlight dazzling her half-lidded eyes and an ache in her neck from sleeping on something not meant for sleeping. But when she catches sight of Xing-ke, her sluggishness immediately vanishes, and she's at his side, hand on his forehead, taking his temperature. His fever's gone, but he's deathly pale.

Eventually, his eyes open. "Xiang…lin?" His face is inches from hers, and she still has trouble making out what he's saying.

She takes his cold hands in her own warm ones. "I'm here."

He smiles, but it's a weak effort that fades quickly. When his breathing has slowed and evened out like he's fallen asleep again, she frees one hand so she can lean over and brush the hair out of his face. She thought she'd put everything to rest that night in the teahouse. But no, there was one thing, and only one thing she'd forgotten to say.

"I love you, Xing-ke," she whispers softly.  _There._ They're out, those three words that have been weighing at her since she was nineteen years old. There's no reaction, no answer; Xing-ke's face is still and peaceful, chest rising and falling in slow, even breaths. But even this is alright.

"I love you," she repeats. "I hope you know that."

Silence. Then, subtly, so subtly she might've missed it, his hand shifts in hers. She startles, nearly letting go. Waits, breathing quickened, and then…

His eyes open again, and even if it looks like it takes all his strength to do so, he whispers, "I do."

She squeezes her eyes shut, nodding. A tear escapes out of the corner of her closed lids, but she doesn't pay it any mind. Just focuses on keeping her hands wrapped around his.

\--

She doesn't know how long she's been there, unmoving, when the machine he's hooked to starts beeping rapidly. Panicking, she calls for the doctor, calls Xing-ke's name over and over, but he's not answering –

In under a minute, Xing-ke's heart has stopped beating.

\--

The funeral is a huge, televised event, so that the whole world may mourn Li Xing-ke, General Commander of the Order of the Black Knights, the leader of the infamous coup d'état that freed their country from oppressive hands. A great Commander, who will go down in their history and be known as the hero of the nation.

She doesn't cry. Neither does the Empress. Tianzi eulogizes Xing-ke with a straight back and dry eyes and Xianglin feels proud for her in Xing-ke's stead.

He'd been gifted twice, intelligence and heroism matching those of the Demon Emperor Lelouch and his Knight of Zero, respectively.

He just hadn't been blessed with time.

\--

Old comrades, members of the UFN and the Black Knights come and express their condolences, offer their comfort. It surprises her how many of them remember her. She had never invested in making friendships with the members of the Black Knights even when she had an official position there, preferring the company of her countrymen and Xing-ke. And so she's surprised and touched at how many of them express their concern and worry for her.

She tells them all she's doing fine. She'd had time to prepare. She'd known this would happen. She'd made peace with it years ago. She thinks perhaps the media would have liked to have captured a photo of her looking crushed and shattered, but she doesn't have tears for them, or for anyone. No, she mourns Xing-ke in the privacy of her own home. Mourns Xing-ke, the man, not the Commander. The gentle young man filled with dreams and the passion and determination with which he pursued them. A man whose greatest strength was his fierce, unwavering loyalty to his men, his allies and his nation.

She wants to remember Xing-ke like that. Not as the man who, even unintentionally, caused her the most pain she ever felt in her life. But as the brave, brilliant man she first fell in love with all those years ago. And the same brilliant man, she thinks a bit wryly, who she couldn't fall out of love with, either.

\--

_Twenty-eight years old-_

A year after Xing-ke's death, her parents arrange for her to meet someone. A young, talented officer from Shanghai. She dreads the meeting, doesn't want to show up at all, wants to say it's still too soon and she needs more time.

But she shows up anyway. As they start dinner, he sees how intensely uncomfortable she is and smiles kindly. "Even if this is something arranged, it doesn't mean we can't enjoy ourselves."

Somehow, his words strike a chord within her and she gives a tiny smile back. All the reasons she was ready to spout ( _I'm sorry, I'm not interested, there's someone I can't forget_ ) evaporate as the night continues. She actually finds she's enjoying herself.

When he asks if they could meet again, despite herself, she agrees.

\--

_Twenty-nine years old-_

The first time he tells her he loves her, she panics and runs.

She'd been in love with one man so long that she found she didn't know how to be in a relationship with anyone else. To love without expecting that love to turn around and hurt her.

But he doesn't let her run. He catches up to her, tells her it doesn't matter how long, that he would wait until she's ready. That even if she's in love with a dead man, he doesn't mind.

Seeing the earnest look on his face, she steps forward and wraps her arms around him. He sinks into her embrace, laughing in a relieved sort of way. She laughs a little too.

He's an honest and pure man, and he makes her happy.

\--

It shouldn't have come as a surprise, then, that it is only a little while later that he asks her to marry him. She visits Xing-ke's grave before giving her answer, however. Not to ask for his blessing, because she knows that he would have given it to her - to them - with no hesitation. But it felt right, to let him know how happy she's been the last couple of years, in no small part because of the man she would soon call her husband.

"Not that I wasn't happy with you," she adds quickly. She thinks for a moment, and amends, "Well, perhaps a little."

It is harder now to remember the exact sound of Xing-ke's laugh, but she feels like she can manage the way it would have sounded, high and surprised and maybe a little wry, too.

\--

There's a big splash when the Empress of the United States of China and the Supreme Councilwoman of the UFN crash her reception. The Empress, grown into a lovely young woman now, greets them with traditional wedding congratulations. Xianglin accepts them graciously.

But it's the latter whose congratulations surprise her most. When Sumeragi Kaguya steps up, she places a hand on Xianglin's arm and says, with that same mischievous tone, "I was getting a little worried there. But I'm glad you proved me wrong. Congratulations."

\--

_Thirty years old -_

Half a year after the wedding, she's expecting. She's caught between terror and calm, watching with increasing fascination at how her belly swells and how she can devour enough food for 3 starving men and ask for more. 

Her baby is due in the spring. The doctors say it's a boy.

It is her husband who first broaches the subject. "Do you... want to name our boy after him?" he asks, voice gentle. There's only one person he could be talking about.

Xianglin would be lying if she says the thought has not crossed her mind. But after hearing the question out loud, it is not such a hard decision after all. "No," she says.

Her husband conveys his surprise, asking if she's certain. She is.

She doesn't expect to ever be able to let him go completely, of course. Even if she could, she doesn't want to. Xing-ke is a part of her, as much a part of her as her military training and her family's expectations. But remembering him is something... special. Sacred. Something she indulges in only occasionally in a few memories she won't let fade away - the way the rare grin had made his face even more handsome, the way his eyes had lit up as he talked about the revolution, the way his voice had cracked over his last words - and a yearly tradition. _  
_

This year, it arrives while she's eight months along. Every year, on this particular day, Xianglin makes her way to a certain teahouse in the city. At the counter, an old man sees her swollen belly and offers his enthusiastic congratulations, but then his face turns half-stern as he scolds her for not coming by more often. She nods and promises to visit more often to placate him, even when she knows that today is the only day she can really bring herself to come back here.

She sits in a booth by a tiny circular window and orders a cup of jasmine. When it arrives, she closes her eyes and breathes in deeply. The familiar scent fills her senses, and the nostalgia is enough to make her cry, just a little.

But when sunlight spills in through the glass to settle on her face, she raises a hand to her lips, remembers a kiss as warm as the sun's rays, and it's enough - _he's_ always been enough - to make her smile.

**End.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading. I'd attempted to write Code Geass fic before, and it never would have occurred to me that the fic I'd spend the most time on would be one in the POV of one of the most minor and background characters in the whole show. But Xianglin wouldn't leave me alone. She's stubborn like that.
> 
> But despite how unexpected this fic had turned out, I'm quite pleased with the end result. I had a lot of fun writing this, and I hope you had just as much reading it.
> 
> \- gardeniia


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